A very good egg
Bedtime stories are still a thing in our house. Some of them are terrible (i.e., the “joke” books he loves so much) but some of them are great. One of my favorites is The Good Egg written by Jory John and illustrated by Pete Oswald. These guys have written a ton of super books: The Bad Seed, The Couch Potato, The Cool Bean, The Smart Cookie. All winners! But The Good Egg speaks to my soul. You see, the good egg is part of a dozen (obviously) eggs who live together in a (recycled) egg carton at the grocery store. The good egg, who does not have a name, lives with: Shel, Shelly, Sheldon, Shelby, Meg, Peg, Greg, Clegg, Egbert, Frank and other Frank. The other eleven eggs are all bonkers. They break the rules, they break their stuff, they act a fool 24/7. The Good Egg is NOT into this behavior. He is the kind of egg that will help you no questions asked and he does what is expected of him. The Good Egg thinks the other eggs need to get it together so he tries to get them to behave, to be kind, and to follow the rules like he does. It does not work. Instead, the Good Egg ends up with cracks in his shell! He is putting so much pressure on himself to be good and to get everyone else to be good that it is harming him. To deal with this the Good Egg goes on a quest of self-discovery. He walks for months, grows a beard, does peyote,* takes yoga classes, paints, and engages in some real self-care. The cracks in his shell start to heal, he misses his friends and decides to go back to his carton. He now understands that he can be good to the other eggs and still take care of himself. He also realizes:
“The other eggs aren’t perfect, and I don’t have to be either. I’m ok with that.”
I read that to my son and thought, did an imaginary egg just become my therapist and life coach? You see, the Good Egg and I have a lot in common. Though I do not share a home with eleven rowdy friends (just four), I do have a really hard time when other people aren’t following the rules or doing what they “should” be doing at all times. Please note, the “should be” is according to my own brain not universal so you can see how this is an issue. This is not a new thing. Much like the Good Egg, I have always been like this. When my parents went to teacher conferences in the first grade they were told that I walked around the room making sure that other kids were doing their work.**
There were and are a few things driving this. First up: perfectionism. The best description I have seen of this is that perfectionism is a trait that makes life an endless report card. Nailed it. For me this isn’t a regular report card because it didn’t always have to do with academic achievement (I was a mediocre student at best until graduate school). Instead it was more about never dropping the ball! Always being the one people can count on! All of the things to all of the people all of the time! Messing up on one of these things resulted in complete failure on all of them and you might as well just give up because you suck and now everyone hates you. Some of you may be reading this and thinking, this sounds exhausting. You are correct! It is. And it also leads to a great deal of ANXIETY and that is no fun at all.
Growing up in the olden days (i.e., the 80s and 90s), people didn’t really talk about mental health issues or therapy. Sure there were scenes in movies or TV shows every once in a while but it wasn’t part of everyday life so we either ignored it or put a label on a behavior to explain it away. For example, according to my 8th grade math teacher, I was “wound too tight” while other people blamed it on my being the oldest daughter. None of that was helpful because those were descriptions without any solutions. No one asked why I was like this or what the cause was so you just “dealt” with it. Except you didn’t! You pretended you were super duper fine when really you were not. Then you took all of that anxiety with you to get a master’s degree where you put an insane amount of pressure on yourself to kill it (and you did) so you upped your game and brought all of that anxiety and then some with you to a PhD program where you finally kind of broke a little bit as a person, saw a psychiatrist, got diagnosed with anxiety, started taking medication, and FINALLY felt better. Just a totally random example…
The pandemic exacerbated and highlighted mental health in ways we have never seen before. The World Health Organization cited a 25% uptick in anxiety and depression worldwide. This is clearly terrible BUT there’s good news for the good eggs out there! Lots of people seem to be turning the corner on normalizing discussions about mental health. There are huge communities on social media talking about anxiety, depression, ADHD, body dysmorphia and a host of other issues faced on a daily basis by millions of people. For the first time ever, all adult Americans are being encouraged to be screened for anxiety. Access to therapy has increased with online platforms like Better Help and Talkspace. We are working out, sleeping in, taking vitamins (that’s a link to a Qveen Herby song. You should probably listen).
This open dialogue is not the case for everyone in the U.S. or around the world. Unfortunately, cultural norms, stereotypes and stigmas around mental health prevail and prevent many people from seeking the help they need.
With employees returning to the office organizations are starting to pay more attention too. I’d love to believe it’s because they are acknowledging the humanity of their employees. It is not. It’s because if they don’t people will quit. Companies are starting to give paid mental health days (Qualcomm isn’t on this list but they are in San Diego and offering this benefit). They are paying for subscriptions to mindfulness apps like Calm and Headspace and they are (trying) to create healthier work schedules that draw a line between work and home while people are still remote. I think all of this should be standard practice but that’s just me being so silly.
When it comes down to it, mental health is a business issue. This isn’t something people just set aside before they open their email and pick up after work. It impacts their ability to focus, to interact with co-workers, and to just show up on some days. When employees receive treatment for things like depression and anxiety they feel better, their productivity increases, employee retention increases, and health care costs decrease. This is a win/win/win. If you are a manager, founder, or anyone with power to drive change in your organization and you want to offer more mental health support to your employees there are great resources available. McKinsey put out a recent report addressing this exact issue, as did the Centers for Disease Control. There are also a lot of other suggestions of approaches that have worked for companies. It seems the key components to all of these changes is attempting to reduce employee stress in general and removing the stigma around talking about mental health. That means the leaders need to be the example. If you manage a team, take a mental health day. Don’t call it a sick day and certainly DO NOT call it a vacation day. Show your employees that it is ok to take time to reset when needed. If the people in charge are willing to openly do that it will start to create a shift. Employees will notice.
Maybe you don’t run a company. Maybe you are working somewhere and aren’t getting the necessary support for your own mental health. All insurance plans are now required to include mental health support services. If you don’t have insurance there are resources you can access on your own. San Diego recently created a 24/7 helpline and there are non-profits, disability benefits, and Employee Assistance Programs you can contact. You probably didn’t expect going from egg-based children’s books to mental health resources but here we are! Remember, you don’t want cracks in your shell so be a good egg not a perfect egg.
*Kidding. I think.
**Anyone reading this who knows me personally is thinking: Yup. That checks out.